My Story

How It All Started…

On the bitter winter morning before the sun rose over the horizon, on lunar new year, February 4th, 1992 my journey began. 

I had a pretty typical semi dysfunctional but reasonably safe and loving life in my younger years. Fairly typical for the 80s and 90s.

When I was 11, my parents separated, and then at 14 my mom died.

After that, things got really rocky. I was on my own after that, couch surfing and pretty much homeless from 14 on.

Being on my own so young forced me to sink or swim. I’ll be honest, at first I was DROWNING.

My high school years were rocky.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I didn’t feel present in my body, I was self medicating, partying, and totally out of control. I knew there had to be a better way.

The one thing that helped me cope in a healthy way was going to the gym.

I would hide out at the local YMCA for 2-3 hours a day. I would putz through my routine, and it started helping me feel more connected to my body. I just knew it was the one thing that made me feel okay without harming myself in some way or deep diving into a form of escapism.

So I had one healthy lifeline to hang onto, to ground myself.

I had always known I was going to make it out. I made a choice a long time ago, I was just biding my time until I could do something, just trying to get through it. Using the gym as my crutch to cope, and went off to college, made it through one semester, and found myself pregnant.

At 19 I became a mother myself, and knew I had to figure out how to live the healthiest life I possibly could so my little girl never had to experience the pain I did.

I wasn’t great at this whole better job then my parents thing quite yet.

But man did I try.

In the following decade, I proceeded to stumble and fall down, then get back up and dust myself off and try again. Over and over again.